“I’ll do It for you! I won’t give up! I’ll be here for you… Okay, let me fix it if it bothers you. No, It’s okay! I forgive you... Wait for me, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Gosh, what were you thinking? What are you doing? Oops! Rachel, stop. Omg, you’re such a loser. I’m sorry, let me try again. Rachel, you’re so stupid! Ha ha! What’s wrong with me? When will it stop? Help…”
But What If… is about self-degradation and self-bullying in my human mind. It represents the possible trauma and psychological battles of humanity when caught in a spiral of anxiety and self-doubt. To illustrate my anxieties, I have used my physical features in combination with inanimate and everyday objects to represent the scale of the worth of a human on the same level as silly objects in which we find no emotions and empathy. We never think about the objects we use nor care for them. We never thank scissors for cutting or admire cardboard boxes. We consume food because it gives us strength and motivation. It passes our hearts into our stomachs. We hang things here, chuck things there without thought and call it a day! But they are always convenient and reliable. I have utilized motifs of my head, blood, facial features and different bare body parts throughout the images to evoke violence and humour. The vibrant colours within the work try their best to cover the darkness and gloom of the wall. They are tucked away in the corner, challenging the bridge between hiding unpleasant thoughts and revealing my search for identity and purpose. I have included Korean handwritten words people have said to me and my passive-aggressive jokes complimenting each image, challenging a few to understand and question. The Surrealistic narratives of the illustrations were developed from the torment and burdensome of my intrusive thoughts, resulting in uncharacteristically violent. As a coping mechanism, I have pushed them out of my internal mind, externally humouring and mocking them by imitating a personal journal. So, choose what's on your mind. What are you feeling right now? Do you feel guilty? Or is this funny to you? Are you scared?
